Horror, Sleaze and Trash.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Gross.
We already know that music festivals are maybe the worst possible environment for a budding romance, and still, people are treating the pre-headliner Port-a-Potty line like their own personal Bunny Ranch lineup. Why? Firstly, because people are idiots, and secondly, because people are horny idiots. Here are some choice desperate aphrodisiphiles from Pitchfork Music Festival's missed connections.

If you're just looking for photos of Urban Outfitters assistant managers to add to your spank bank, there's probably a Tumblr for that.

"Slightly bearded" with a dolphin tattoo and a Camelback? Looks like someone wandered over from Phish's Northerly Island show. But you know, every girl does go weak in the knees for an unkempt, self-absorbed gym rat with an affinity for jam bands and rubbing his groin on strangers. Keep it phreaky, you phucking weirdo.

Oh, sweetie, no...

Presented without commentary: this photo of Noisey's-own Drew Millard. Also, everything else about Drew Millard.

Have you ever wanted to take your thumbs and hold them against your eyeballs and then push them through your eye sockets and into the back of your head until you're wearing your own skull like a double-fisted Sock 'em Bopper? (Willfully ignoring the use of the term "fedora-esque" here.)

BONUS:

Seems our "cute drunk" friend Maria Sherman has found her first missed connection! If you're the e-suitor trying to win Maria's heart, you should know that her interests include "like music literature booze and shit. i actually don't know what i like," and her idea of the perfect date is "WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THESE QUESTIONS." If you're the guy for Maria, email us at BColi@noisey.com. You gon' learn.

Sasha Hecht got no missed connections. No missed connections for Sasha - @sashahecht
By Sasha Hecht 1 day ago Tags: Pitchfork Music Festival, Missed Connections, craigslist, bjork, R Kelly, MIA

No comments:

Post a Comment

HORROR SLEAZE TRASH

Two years in the making, Ben John Smith's second hard cover collection of poetry, and predecessor to Air a Boire, is finally here, and ready to be flogged! Featuring the extremely brilliant composition work and inlay design of German trash artist THS (www.ths.nu).

My horrible typos and silly word slinging has been painstakingly edited by my good friend and fellow writer for HST, Ian Shearer; with special thanks to Mike Daily for being such a dude. This is not the collection of artists featured in HST over the past few months, this is a book i started long before the HST was even thought about.

108 pages; 6" x 9", jacket-hardcover binding, cream interior paper (50# weight), black and white interior ink, white exterior paper (100# weight), full-color exterior ink. Jacket Wrap and gold embossing on cloth spine.

While i have tried to keep the price as absolutely low as possible (I'm making about 1 dollar from each book) i know it's still scrapped in a little steep but with out pissing in my pocket - it really is worth the money spent, not only for my poetry but for the entire feel and complete package only a hard cover like this can embody.

Obviously for adults only, i am very pleased to send this sucker out into the world and hope for a wide reception of feedback in any form, from any one! Please DO NOT buy this book if you are easily offended, have any shred of respect for me at all, don't want to hear stories about my penis, fear you may be exposed in one of these poems, are a family member of mine of D'Arnes,if you drink soy latte's or enjoy poetry about flowers and rivers. Any one else, please check it out with a grain of salt and a giggle and i thank you in advance for your support and on going communication.

Lets all get pissed and say silly things!

Double Peneteration

Double Penetration is Horror Sleaze And Trash's first publication; featuring the poetry of Ryan Quinn Flanagan and Ben Smith. A collection of 70 off-beat and low brow poems you imagine the pair to come up with in this mix of madness. 10 Aussie bucks will get this sucker to your door. A5 in size, about 80 pages, soft card cover with black and white insides. Buy it now, or don't, and wish you hadda, 25 limited copies. Great gift idea for your Grandmothers!