Horror, Sleaze and Trash.

*Something semi important:

Someone once said to me “you have an amazing way of making every topic of conversation about yourself” ....

and it broke my heart. The truth hurts, so they say.

I am not a stupid person and I am pretty intuitive when it comes to people’s vibes. I can get why a lot of people dislike me. They think I’m over the top, self absorbed, foolish, a childlike heart...

I get it, it’s things people think that I have thought of my self already. But I am who I am and I can’t change. I’m trying to be a decent human but it’s hard and I’m fairly shit at things that take a lot of work and time. It might look like I’m confident But in honesty I’m actually very insecure. Like, heaps heaps insecure.

I just want people to like me and people who don’t like me I want to fuck them up with extreme violence. It’s a solid formula for self destruction. And it hasent work in the long run but I’ve stuck with it.

Five or so years ago I tried to make amends for all my selfish vain and narcissistic ways and started a little web site called horror sleaze and trash. I was modelling the premise of the whole shebang on the Wayne’s world theorem of “if you build it they will come”. And come they did. I tried to make amends but I became more selfish. I tried to open up but I became more introverted and destructive. I tried to make a platform for people but I just made it more more more more more about me...

In the short high life that HST lived we achieved some amazing things.

We rubbed shoulders with some of the most respected people the underground art game was housing, we hosted some of the most original and profound adult porn stars and cam girls the internet could fuck with. We tore a whole lot of boundaries down. We hosted countless (in the thousands) of poets and flash fiction writers; people other sites wouldn’t publish - I fucking pushed it all. I gave everyone a chance to speak... but in doing that, like a total wanker, I also made it very much about my self.

So it’s not with out a heavy heart I say this, because it’s always hard letting go of something when you have actually spent a heap of time and passion making live;

But truth is I’m getting old. I’m tired. Im not a wild little young sick-cunt who doesn’t give a fuck about the our come of his actions like I used to be . I’m sick of chasing credibility. I’m over trying to be relevant. If I’m a fading then let that be the course. It’s time to suck up the situation and eat my hat. I don’t have time for that madness anymore. I’m a dad. Im still the same Ben I always was but I’m different. I don’t have the same desires to be know or loved by strangers. I got other shit I need to do.

I feel like I have tried to make an impact and wether it hit home or not at least I made a fucking attempt at something fresh and honest. So With our making it about me any further HST is now in the faithful and trust worthy hands of Mr Authur Graham. He has brought the hustle to the old fire with a swarm in the last month he’s been around with new HST GIRLS and the publication of the HST quaterly and I know my brain child of madness will be left in the capable hands of someone who is as passionate and dedicated to the pursuit of grit, truth, realism and subversion as I have been.

Baby, I say this cause I mean it, don’t be sad that it’s over - be happy it happened. Viva the free press! Viva the artists! VIVA THE FUCKING FREE WORLD!

Ben John smith,

Editor in chief of HORROR SLEAZE AND TRASH

PS - the blog will stay alive, straight from the best shit i can find to you - https://horrorsleazetrash.blogspot.com.au